


Hands Shaking (Maybe the Coast Will Clear)

by thewomanofwonder



Series: Walk Through Fire For You (Just Let Me Adore You) [1]
Category: Birds of Prey (And the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn) (2020)
Genre: Angst, Established Helena Bertinelli/Dinah Lance, F/F, Helena gets shot, Hurt/Comfort, Major Character Injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:07:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23237425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewomanofwonder/pseuds/thewomanofwonder
Summary: Helena gets shot, and it's worse than ever before. Dinah tries to deal with it.
Relationships: Helena Bertinelli/Dinah Lance
Series: Walk Through Fire For You (Just Let Me Adore You) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1670713
Comments: 29
Kudos: 248





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I had to dig into some very dark personal experiences to get through writing this one, but I feel good about the product. I hope you guys do too.
> 
> This is the first work in a series that I have a lot already planned and written for. A lot of the things I'll be putting in the series have some setup in here, whether you see it or not. 
> 
> As always, shoutout to the Burps. Hope everyone enjoys this one.

Things were so good. They were going so so so good. It was the perfect mission. How things went so sideways so fast was lost on Dinah. They had shown up and taken down almost all of the bad guys, and then suddenly there were more. Like a whole other wave of bad guys. It was like they had somehow know the Birds of Prey were coming, and they were prepared. It caught them all so off guard. They had bounced back well, though. They fought the second wave off and Dinah had relaxed just enough to take a breath when Renee yelled out to her from her position on the second level of the warehouse. She spun around to see a straggler, some big dude who they really should not have missed, aiming his gun right at her. Helena was there, though. She was always there to cover her back. 

All Dinah could do was watch as Helena leaped up to try and take him down. Helena was 5’8” of pure muscle, but she wasn’t strong enough to drag him down. Instead, he took her down, using her own momentum to flip her and bring his elbow down into her ribcage as she hit the ground. It looked unbelievably painful to Dinah, but Helena seemed unfazed, continuing to wrestle the man and trade punches. It was hard to make out what was happening until a gunshot echoed out around the building, and then an awful gurgling sound. Dinah watched as the man’s body hit the ground next to Helena, hands clutching his neck desperately as blood poured out, until finally he went limp. Dinah felt relief for maybe five seconds before she realized Helena hadn’t gotten up, and then she was running.

It felt like it took years to reach the assassin, like everything was in slow motion. Dinah dropped to her knees immediately when she reached her. Helena’s hands were pushing down on her stomach and her breathing was coming out in fast puffs. She was bleeding so much. How did this happen? Everything was good and fine and they were winning. They had won. But now they were losing. And fast. Dinah felt like she was going to be sick. She yanked off her jacket and pushed it down over the wound, guiding Helena’s hand to hold it there. 

“Dinah… I don’t… I love you” Helena coughed, and the sound was so violent it had Dinah moving to hover over her face, one hand on her cheek, the other helping apply pressure.

“Don’t speak, baby. It’s okay. Just stay awake, okay? Hold on. You’re gonna be okay. I promise. Renee ran to get the car just like she always does when you’re hurt, and we’re gonna put you in the back seat and rush you home and I’ll take care of you until you’re better and everything will be okay. Just like it always is, okay?” Dinah said, feeling the tears streaming down her cheeks. She could hear the engine of the car as Renee got closer and she mentally begged Renee to be flooring it. Helena had been hurt before, many times, but she had never been bleeding this much. Had never gotten this far off look in her eyes like she was trying to accept something she didn’t want. Her eyes started to drift closed, and Dinah started screaming and trying to lift Helena into her arms.

“Helena, no! Baby please. Please baby don’t leave me. H, open your eyes. I love you. Don’t leave me, Helena. Do you hear me? I love you. Please.” Renee pulled up next to them and was stumbling out of the car to open the back door and then come help them. Renee placed a hand on Dinah’s shoulder, gently, and another on Helena’s thigh.

“Sweetheart,” Her voice was far softer and more caring than it had been before. “We need to move her somewhere safe. We can’t help her right here, okay? We need to move her.” Dinah nodded and moved her arms, one under Helena’s back and the other under her knees, and lifted. Renee looked ready to help, but Dinah shook her head and carried the assassin to the back seat silently and quickly. Renee shut the door behind them and got in, flooring the car before her door was even fully shut.

  
  


Renee was heading for Harley’s apartment, Dinah noticed. That made sense. Harley’s place was closer than she and Helena’s or Renee’s or the Birds’ base. That made sense. What didn’t make sense was how this had happened. How Helena had gone from stiff and tense in every moment of her life to limp in Dinah’s arms. Dinah spun the questions in her head faster than she could ponder them: why Helena? Was she going to be okay? What if she wasn’t? What if the moment of hesitation to run to her in that warehouse was what ended up killing her? Why Helena? What would she do without her? Would her bed feel colder without Helena in it despite Helena being the coldest person Dinah had ever touched? Why Helena?

“Dinah, honey, we’re here. Come on. We need to move fast.” Renee said, pulling her from her thoughts. Oh. They were there. They were at Harley’s. Dinah got out as quickly as she could, rushing in the door that Renee held open and up the stairwell, gunning it for Harley’s apartment. The door swung open before they even had to knock. Renee must have called while driving and let her know.

“Put her on the couch.” Harley said. Her voice was urgent, but also gentle, like she could see Dinah was struggling. Dinah moved over to the couch, past Cass who was bringing a bowl of water and towels over to it, and laid Helena across it as easily as possible. The assassin was still breathing, which was reassuring for obvious reasons, but the pale tone and thin layer of sweat on Helena’s skin wiped much of that comfort away. Harley took a pair of scissors and started cutting down the center of Helena’s shirt while Renee rummaged through the massive first aid kit that had been set out on the coffee table. When Harley pulled the sides of Helena’s shirt away to reveal an array of dark colors running up her side and a bloody stomach, Dinah started to lose it. Harley noticed, though. The girl noticed everything. And she spun around to look at Renee and Cass.

“Take her to my room. She’s not calm enough to be in here.” She ordered. Dinah wanted to protest, tried to yell and fight off Renee’s reassuring arms, but she just didn’t have the energy to put up any real challenge. She pushed Dinah into Harley’s bedroom, let Cass follow them in, and then shut the door, clicking the lock into place a second later.

“Do you want to take a shower?” Cass whispered. Dinah was about to turn on her, yell about how ridiculous that question was, but then she saw her hands. Blood was covering her hands and up to her elbows, splattered across and through her clothes. Helena’s blood was all over her, and Dinah was running to the toilet to empty the contents of her stomach. Cass followed behind her, turning on the shower to let the water warm up and then moving to hold back Dinah’s hair. When she was finished, Cass sat out a towel and slipped away, pausing in the doorway and whispering, “Take your time. I’ll set some of Harley’s less crazy clothes by the sink for you.”

It took her a minute, but Dinah found herself in the shower, staring at the wall blankly as she washed away the red on her skin, far sooner than she expected. She just needed the blood gone. Every time she looked at it she could feel the weight of Helena in her arms, and that was too much. She wanted to lay in bed and hold Helena against her, head against the taller woman’s chest, heartbeat in her ear, a constant reminder of what they had. Dinah couldn’t imagine if, for the rest of her life, the thought of Helena in her arms became a reminder of what she lost. She ran a hand through her hair, covered her eyes with the other, and choked back a sob. The weight of her love for Helena was heavy on her soul. There had always been a level of calm in taking care of Helena’s injuries. She hadn’t ever closed her eyes like that, drifted away from Dinah’s gaze like that. She was usually sitting up in the back seat of the car, complaining about being fine and that she could handle it.

_ Hey, I got to keep the knife, though! _

_ It is gross and bleeding, but it is mine, and I like it. _

_ Minor stab wound, Dinah. I’m okay. _

_ It’s just a flesh wound. _

_ You don’t have to worry about me. _

_ I’m tougher than this. _

Helena’s voice echoed in her head. All the times Helena had been the one bleeding and in pain. All the times she had tried to reassure Dinah that she was alright. Somehow,  _ “I love you,” _ was the most painful phrase Dinah could imagine adding to that list. She tried to drill it out of her mind. To let the images fill her mind. Images of Helena flexing a bicep theatrically and saying  _ “I’m too strong for death.”  _ and of her grinning dorkily as Dinah applied a bandage and saying  _ “This is just another day of good work if you ask me.”  _ Dinah wanted to think of that. Of Helena’s dorky smile and reassuring words and strong arms that would absolutely hold her again and of those rough hands that would absolutely touch her again and of those soft lips that would absolutely kiss her again and of those eyes that would absolutely twinkle at her again because they had to. Because Dinah couldn’t picture a moment without Helena. Because Helena was tougher than this and too strong for death and she loved Dinah. She would be okay. She had to. And Dinah turned the water off.

  
  


Cass had left the room when Dinah got out of the shower, and she had left the door open behind her, so Dinah took it as an invite to return to the living room. She made her way down the hall, tucking her arms into the pocket of the hoodie Cass had left for her. It was quiet in there, but not silent. She could hear Harley pouring food into a bowl, probably for Bruce, and Renee and Cass talking softly. It was a comfortable quiet that had Dinah breathing a sigh of relief before she even got a view of them. Renee looked up at her from her seat across from the couch and gave a gentle smile.

“Hey sweetheart, you feel better?” 

“How is she?” Dinah asked. Renee seemed unfazed by the way her question was ignored, like she expected it to happen. She gestured to Helena, still laying on the couch, unmoving. She was covered by a blanket, but from what Dinah could see, her shoulder was wrapped tightly in bandage, and she wasn’t bleeding profusely anymore, and, oddly enough, there was an IV going for her. Dinah opted not to question it; Harley stole a lot of things and knew a lot of things and the first rule of not losing your mind was do not question Harley. She didn’t really care, anyway. She was glad they had it.

“She dislocated that shoulder real good, has a couple broken ribs, lots of bruising. She lost a lot of blood from that gunshot wound, but it didn’t hit anything major from what we can tell. We got the bullet out, stitched it up, got her on this fuckin IV drip Harley says she ‘found.’ I know you probably don’t want to see it, but we kept the bullet for Helena. Let her add it to that weird collection of hers.” Renee sighed. “It’s just a matter of waiting on her to wake up at this point, and we don’t know when that will be.” Dinah nodded, but didn’t speak.

“We moved the chair for you,” Cass pointed out, drawing Dinah’s attention to the cushioned seat that was scooted directly next to the couch, a blanket and pillow tossed in it and a water bottle on the table beside it. “We thought you’d probably want to stay by her.” Dinah felt a tear escaping, and rushed to wipe it away. She looked over at Cass and gave her a sad smile the best she could.

“Thank you.” And Cass knew it was for more than the chair, and Dinah knew she knew, but neither acknowledged it as Dinah moved to make herself comfortable, taking Helena’s hand in hers and intertwining their fingers as she sat down.

_ Day 1 _

Dinah passes the day singing and humming to Helena, playing with her hair or her hands. Bruce has decided to lay across the assassin’s feet and watch over her. Dinah didn’t like it at first, thought he might hurt her on accident, but when he rested his head on her thigh and whimpered quietly, Dinah knew he would be fine right there. Harley is alarmingly doting. She brings Dinah food and water throughout the day, walks to her room just so she can double check Helena’s IV whenever she passes. Dinah knows it isn’t good. That Harley would be acting different if the situation weren’t so dire. It reminds her that things are far from okay. Renee leaves for a few hours; she says it to run errands, but Dinah knows she’s going to cry in Ellen’s arms for several hours. Dinah doesn’t quite know the levels to Renee and Helena’s bond, but she knows it runs deep. Cass plays games on some console, she calls it a Switch, basically all day. She’s in and out of her room. All around the apartment. She acts the most naturally of everyone, and everyone is silently grateful for the feeling of normalcy it brings.

Helena doesn’t wake up that day.

_ Day 2 _

Dinah sketches throughout the day on an old sketchpad Cass found in a box in her room. She sketches Helena, then Bruce, then Helena and Bruce, then Helena again, then the dying cactus on the window sill, then Helena again. It keeps her busy; it’s kind of nice. There were things that could make it nicer, but they don’t need to be said. Harley takes Cass to the skate park and they’re gone for most of the day. Renee gets back from Ellen’s around noon and has lunch in hand for her and Dinah. There’s only two places that do carry out between Ellen’s house and Harley’s apartment: a small Italian joint and Helena’s favorite Thai place. What Renee has is neither of those, meaning she went out of her way to avoid them, and Dinah is grateful at the realization, but she knows Renee doesn’t need to hear it. Harley and Cass get back late, and Cass must be tired because they only watch TV for about an hour after dinner before she heads to bed. Harley stays up for several more hours with Dinah. They talk, drink a little wine, manage a few light jokes and forced chuckles, and then Harley heads to her room somewhere along the line, leaving Dinah.

Helena doesn’t wake up that day.

_ Day 3 _

Dinah spends her day thinking. Wondering if Helena will be okay, if she’ll wake up, when she’ll wake up (she has to, she has to, soon… hopefully). Harley and Renee both keep to themselves, but nobody leaves the apartment. If- When Helena wakes up, it could be soon, and everyone wants to be there. Renee gives Dinah a light shoulder squeeze or pat on the back whenever she walks by. Harley offers easy smiles. Cass gets Dinah to play some card game with her sometime in the afternoon. She’s not very into it, but it keeps her mind off of the ifs. Cass looks up at one point at Helena and whispers, “I hope she’s having good dreams.” Dinah has to look away. The weight of her worry and guilt, her question of if she could have changed things by getting there sooner (she couldn’t have), holding her down. “I hope so,” she whispers back. 

Helena doesn’t wake up that day.

_ Day 4 _

Nothing is right. She should be awake by now. Everyone knows it. Everyone feels the weight of it deep in their chest. Nobody really talks. No jokes are made. Everyone just sticks close to Helena. Harley ruffles her hair at one point while walking by. Cass gives an awkward fist bump to Helena’s unmoving hand that’s resting on the couch. Renee puts a hand on Helena’s shoulder, holds it there for like five minutes, and bows her head like she’s praying or something. It’s funny. Helena is the most touch starved person Dinah has ever met, but simultaneously the most touch aversed too, and here everyone is, seemingly saying goodbye with small touches, like they want one last one with her. Dinah doesn’t touch Helena at all during the day.

Helena doesn’t wake up that day.

_ Day 5 _

It is way too early in the morning when Dinah is woken from her sleep by a growl and fast shuffling right past her. She blinks open her eyes and looks at the scene in front of her groggily. Bruce is on the couch still, but he’s standing up, eyes fixed on Helena. Harley, who was probably up making herself an egg sandwich a moment ago, is standing over Helena and Bruce in her pajamas, fingers curled in Bruce’s fur tightly. Dinah sits up, watching as Helena’s chest continues to rise and fall just as it has every day. It goes up, and Dinah holds her breath.

Down.

_ I’m tougher than this. _

Up.

_ I’m too strong for death. _

Down.

_ You don’t have to worry about me. _

Helena’s chest doesn’t rise back up.

_ I love you. _


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i cant believe you all thought i would kill helena bertinelli what the FUCK do you think is wrong with me. i simply would not (at least not in this fic)
> 
> heres some comfort to make up for last chapters hurt

Helena jerks up with a gasp. Her eyes are wide and wild, chest heaving, and Dinah and Harley are barely fast enough to steady her. Harley is the one who catches Helena and tries to keep her from moving, but Dinah is pushing her and Bruce both out of the way quickly. She’s clearly disoriented, not quite there with them as she thrashes a little against Dinah’s hold, one hand on her shoulder and the other one her side, trying not to put too much pressure but still trying to hold her in place.

“Helena, baby. Look at me. Just… calm down.” She’s doing her best to keep her voice steady and emotions in check, but then they lock eyes, and Dinah’s breath catches as Helena freezes. It’s silent aside from the short and quick breaths coming from her. Dinah releases a breath she doesn’t even realize was trapped in her lungs.

“I’ve got you.” She whispers. “You’re gonna be okay.” Helena’s brow furrows, and she gets that little crinkle at the corner of her eyes. The one that says I’m in pain and/or confused.

“What happened?” She rasps out, the wince setting on her face as the short burst of adrenaline wears off and the pain begins to really set in. Dinah can feel tears forming in her eyes.

“Helena, you got really hurt. And so we brought you here, to Harley’s, since it was close.” Dinah wipes a tear from her cheek as it escapes her eye. “You’ve been out for a few days.”

“You scared the shit out of us, Crossbow.” Harley adds from behind her. Dinah flinches a little, having forgotten she and Bruce were right there. Helena blinks at them in confusion and swallows uncomfortably.

“I... a few days?” She licks her lips, realizes what’s bothering her. “Can I get some water?”

“I got it.” Harley says easily, already moving towards the kitchen to get a glass. Bruce hops up into the chair Dinah vacated and lays down, but Dinah doesn’t care. Her attention stays on Helena.

“How do you feel? Are you hungry, too? What hurts? Your ribs? Shoulder? Nobody has changed the bandage on the gunshot wound in a while; we should probably do that. Would you let me? Or I mean Harley or Renee could. It’s whatever you prefer.” Dinah rambles. Helena may be in pain, but she manages a tiny smile at the concerned rambling.

“You.” She answers. “Always. And I’m not hungry, just dry mouth. And uh… everything hurts, really. My ribs, mostly. Hurts to breathe. But everything.” Dinah nods sadly. She hates seeing Helena in pain, but at least she is awake. That brings her more comfort than anything else could. Harley approaches the back of the couch with a glass of water, and Helena reaches out to take it, but cuts herself off with a sharp hiss of pain. Dinah whispers a gentle “I got it” and takes the glass.

“Harley, do you have, like, an ice pack or anything?” Harley nods. She doesn’t like being told what to do by anyone, but she has a major soft spot for Helena that wins out over her irritation with being asked to do anything that doesn’t involve at least medium scale crime.

“I’ve got everything. Lemme go look, dollface.” And then the girl is skipping back to the kitchen to rummage through a freezer stuffed with god knows what. Dinah rolls her eyes, but offers a smile to Helena as she hands her the glass of water. She lets Helena drink while she turns around to open the massive first aid kit that has been on the coffee table for the past several days. She digs around for fresh bandages and the antibiotic cream for a moment. By the time she turns around, Helena has already finished off the glass of water. Dinah takes the cup, hesitating for a moment when their fingers brush, and sets it behind her on the coffee table. 

“Okay,” She moves to sit on the edge of the couch, careful not to jostle Helena as she does so, and guides the assassin to lie back down. “Easy.”

“Dinah?” Helena whispers as her partner pulls the blanket down her body to gain access to the wound in question. Dinah looks up and hums softly to let her know she’s listening. “This… it’s not going to hurt is it?” Dinah feels her heart go out to Helena. Her sweet, soft, disoriented Helena. She would give anything to crawl into Helena’s lap and just stay there. Hold her until the world falls apart around them. But she can’t do that. Helena is far too injured to be supporting anyone’s weight against her body, so Dinah holds herself back. All she can do is offer the gentlest and most reassuring smile she can.

“It might. I’m sorry. I’ll be as quick as possible, okay?” Dinah tries to ignore the blacks and purples and blues covering most of Helena’s torso and focuses on peeling back the bandage covering the area she had been shot. Helena hisses in pain, and no amount of apologies Dinah rushes out in a whisper make either of them feel better. It’s Dinah’s first time seeing the wound. It’s stitched up already, and it looks like Harley didn’t completely butcher them. It’ll definitely leave another scar, but that has more to do with the injury itself than the plastic surgery skills of Harley Quinn. There’s light bruising around the center of the wound, and it gets dark as it trails up her ribs and under the wrapping holding her shoulder in place. 

“It’s not infected, is it?” Helena asks, and Dinah realizes it must be clear on her face how upset she is. She shakes her head and meets the brown eyes of the woman laying before her.

“No,” she answers. “No, it actually looks like it’s going to heal okay.”

“Then why do you look so upset right now?” Helena whispers. Dinah laughs a little. She’s done so much crying the past few days, but the question gets to her in a way she didn’t expect it to, and suddenly the dam is breaking and the tears are flowing again. 

“I just wish I could hold you.” She chokes out. Helena seems more confused by the statement.

“You can hold me.” Dinah shakes her head.

“No, Helena, that would hurt you more.” Helena pauses, thoughtfully, lets her hand that’s by Dinah’s thigh reach out to brush her skin lightly.

“Maybe I’m okay with that exchange.” Dinah looks down at Helena’s pale fingers. For a moment, she thought a touch this small may never happen again. She swallows and looks back up, meeting her eyes.

“I’m not.” Dinah states. Her voice is soft, yet firm enough that it’s clear she won’t accept any arguments. Helena, thankfully, doesn’t try to fight her; Dinah isn’t sure she could even tell the woman no at this point. She focuses on quickly applying the antibiotic cream, ignoring the way Helena’s abs twitch at the coolness of it, and then applies the fresh bandage, sliding her hand along the edges to smooth it out and make sure it’s secure. She can feel Helena watching her, but she averts her gaze to look over at Bruce or that damn dying cactus every time Dinah tries to catch her. 

Dinah goes to stand up once she’s done, and she makes note of the fact that Harley has disappeared from the area without a word, but there’s a text on her phone from her and Dinah can make out the words “convenience store” without having to look too closely, so she figures Harley will be back soon. She turns to shoo Bruce out of her chair when slender fingers wrap around her wrist and yank her down onto the couch. It’s all Dinah can do just to move her limbs so they don’t hit any of Helena’s injuries. The move leaves her straddling Helena’s waist, hands on either side of body while she receives a dopey grin from the assassin.

“See?” Helena says. “You’re not hurting me.” Dinah thinks to be angry at Helena for putting her wellbeing at risk like that, but she can’t help the smile that crosses her own face. Helena may be the most awkward woman in Gotham City, but she definitely has her moments. Plus, it’s nice just to be so close to her again without having to anxiously watch the rise and fall of her chest. She laughs, initial shock at the move wearing off and making way for genuine relief and adoration. 

Helena adjusts her arms and tries to scoot herself as far into the back of the shitty couch as she can so Dinah can lay by her. Is it a tight squeeze? Way more than Dinah would like. Is it worth it? Of course. Dinah lays on her side, propping herself up with her elbow and resting her head in her hand. Her other arm stretches across Helena’s torso, coming to rest gently against the bruises she’s been so wary about. She laughs a little again, earning her an odd look from Helena. 

“As lovely as being crammed on this couch together is, I’m sure Renee would be willing to give up the spare bed she’s been sleeping in if you felt okay enough to move. I’m going to end up falling off of here while we sleep… and I’ll probably drag you down with me.”

“I’m okay with that.” Helena responds, honest as ever. It’s more than a bit endearing in Dinah’s eyes. She laughs again.

“I’m not, though. I would like to keep you from gaining new injuries or making the ones you’ve got worse just because we couldn’t fit on a couch together.” Dinah teases. Helena seems to ponder it for a moment.

“Well, it would piss off Renee to wake her up right now,” she muses, before pausing for a beat. “Let’s move.” And there’s a little smile on the corner of her mouth, the one Dinah would kill for. She leans in to press a small kiss to her cheek and then pulls back and grins at the wounded assassin.

“Sounds like a plan. Let me go wake up Renee and then I’ll come back and help you up. I don’t need her stabbing you with a plastic knife or whatever she keeps under her pillow.” Dinah says as she lifts herself off the couch and waltzes off to face the wrath of the former cop. 

Helena grumbles to herself a little about not needing help. She pulls the IV from her arm with a sharp wince and then, slowly and painfully, attempts to force herself off of the couch. Every muscle in her body aches, and the moment her feet hit the floor she feels a little lightheaded. It’s a move she probably shouldn’t have made after so much blood loss, she thinks. Bruce has even hopped down off the chair to try and bump her back onto the couch with his head. Helena doesn’t want to lose her progress, though. As she goes to take a step forward, her knees buckle and she drops. Just before she hits the ground, though, two arms catch her and are lifting her up.

“I gotcha girlie.” Harley says in her usual chipper tone. Helena hadn’t even heard her come back in. She’s usually so tuned in to her surroundings. Harley squeezes one of her biceps appreciatively. “Nice muscles, hotshot.” Helena groans. Not only is she in pain, and being held up and groped by the most annoying woman she would probably ever know, but when she looks over Harley’s shoulder she realizes she is absolutely fucked. Renee is trudging into the living room looking pissed off and tired, dragging a blanket behind her, and Dinah is stalking towards she and Harley, something far worse than anger written on her features: disappointment.

“Look,” Helena tries to explain. “I felt good enough to stand on my own-”

“Yeah right, Crossbow, off to bed with you.” Dinah replies. She helps Helena from Harley’s arms and tosses one over her shoulder so she can support her as they move. Helena tries to hold her breath and focus on something other than how much pain she’s in, but it’s difficult, even as Dinah whispers reassurances that she’s okay and that they’re almost there in her ear. They make it to the door of the bedroom Renee had been occupying and are walking through the doorway when Harley calls out to them, loud as ever.

“See ya in the morning, ‘Lena baby.” Dinah can hear the wink in her tone and can’t help herself. She didn’t miss the way Harley so eagerly grabbed at Helena’s toned arms. She spins around to give Harley the middle finger, slamming Helena into the door frame as she does so. Harley laughs, as one would expect, and Helena yelps in pain.

“Oh my god, I am so sorry.” Dinah gasps, turning back quickly and free hand shooting out to support Helena as she tries to catch her breath.

“A little more careful wouldn’t hurt, Dinah.” She grunts.

“Yeah, I know, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I wasn’t looking.” Dinah curses under her breath and swears to kill Harley when she and Helena wake up later. She helps Helena maneuver the remaining couple steps over and onto the bed. Helena groans a little as she sits on the bed, but she manages a smile up at Dinah.

“Try not to break me this time, okay?” Dinah glares at her. It’s clearly a joke, but it isn't a good one. She can feel a pit in her stomach at the idea that she could have seriously hurt Helena over some stupid jealousy.

“That’s not funny.” Helena’s face falls.

“Oh. Sorry. I uh-” She’s looking anywhere but at Dinah now, a hand going to anxiously scratch at the bandage covering the gunshot wound. Dinah sighs, and she reaches out to pull Helena’s hand away from it so she can’t irritate the injury more. She didn’t mean to snap at the assassin; the past few days have just been so crazy that nobody really knows what they’re doing at this point. Dinah doesn’t really know what to do, though, so she waits to make sure Helena is comfortable and then goes around to crawl in on the other side of the bed. She can see the wheels turning in Helena’s head as she wraps an arm around the tall woman and gingerly pulls her closer.

“Everything okay?” She whispers. Helena just blinks up at the ceiling for a moment, but then she nods. She doesn’t really know how to explain how upset it makes her that her joke wasn’t good and that she wasn’t funny. She groans in frustration, but Dinah reads it as a groan of pain. She tucks her face into Helena’s neck and lets her arm rest across her waist.

“I’ve got you.” She whispers, tone sweet and tender. It makes Helena feel safe in a way she isn’t convinced she deserves. That level of affection should be reserved for people who don’t absolutely suck at being human beings, or for people who aren’t irredeemably bad. It’s in Helena’s blood to be a killer; it’s what she is. Dinah has a good heart; Helena can’t say the same for herself. Still, she manages to push the feelings down, knowing it isn’t the time to discuss them, and allows Dinah’s warmth to lull her into a sense of comfort and peace.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoo! chapter 3. shoutout to the burps for gettin me through this pandemic. and specifically shoutout to hivemind for being the loves of my life.   
> hope you guys enjoy! stay tuned for other parts of this series (there's going to be 20 in total lmao)

When Dinah wakes up, she feels at peace at first. It’s like everything is right in the world. The shift happens quickly, though. The empty and light feeling in the space next to her on the mattress and the silence in the room where there should be a soft snoring and the just general absence of warmth that usually comes from Helena next to her is what has Dinah scrambling out of bed. Just the idea that it may have been a dream, that Helena may still be unconscious on the couch in Harley’s living room when she gets there, is enough to make Dinah feel far too queasy. She stumbles just a bit on a random tennis shoe left on the ground as she rushes around the bed and towards the living room. It doesn’t occur to her that the bedroom door is open or that the voices in there sound cheerful or that there was a glass of water on the side table at the right side of the bed. All she can think about is the potential that Helena is silent and unmoving with still no sign of progress… or worse. She could be worse… or she could be-

Dinah’s thoughts are cut off before she can panic by the sight of Helena sitting up on the couch. Talking. Smiling. Breathing… Alive. Dinah sighs in relief and pauses to gather herself. She doesn’t need Cass seeing her in a panic again after the other night. She straightens the Gotham University t-shirt she’s wearing, and heads into the room at a much more casual pace than before. Helena is in the center of the couch; Cass is on her right, and Bruce is on her left. They’re all three sharing a blanket, and Bruce is halfway on Helena’s lap, leaning into her body in a way that has to be uncomfortable. Dinah is sure it is, in fact, because despite the well-practiced smile Helena is offering as Renee speaks from the chair across the coffee table, she can see the way the assassin’s eyes crinkle at the corner and she holds her breath a little and how her fingers are curled so tightly she’s practically white knuckling the fur at the scruff of the hyena’s neck. 

“So I pull out my cuffs and- ahh, there she is!” Renee says too enthusiastically for such an early hour as Dinah enters the living room. “Welcome to the party, Sleeping Beauty.” 

“Good morning to you, too.” Dinah grumbles, stopping to stand by the coffee table. Cass glances up to offer a quick smile before letting her attention return to her phone, and Helena looks at Dinah with adoration and... something else the former singer can’t quite make out in the moment. Renee scoffs and takes a sip from her flask.

“Morning? It’s noon. You slept past morning.” Dinah’s brow furrows a little and she looks at the ex-cop in confusion. Renee rolls her eyes. “Don’t look at me like that; you barely slept the past couple nights. We were in no hurry to wake you up this morning. You needed that sleep more than anyone.”

Dinah nods in understanding. She would like to point out that Helena is the one who needs rest most and that she should be in bed resting and not on the couch with one hundred and twelve pounds of hyena resting against her, but she figures that isn’t quite worth the effort. She settles for taking a step over to the couch to just move Bruce on her own. She nudges him a little, but he doesn’t budge, just grumbles grumpily. Dinah narrows her eyes at him. She doesn’t really want to risk pissing him off. He may be a sweetheart, but he is still a wild animal at the end of the day. She’s not taking any fucking chances. She glances up to look around and finds Harley in the kitchen pouring herself a bowl of cereal.

“Harley, get your dog.” She calls.

“He’s fine.” Helena says softly, looking away from Dinah and towards the window behind Renee, locking her gaze on the little cactus, eyes narrowing just a little more as she does. Dinah is confused to say the least. Something is off, and it’s more than just pain that seems to be itching at her girlfriend.

“Helena, you can barely breathe anyway right now. You don’t need Bruce’s fat fucking ass leaning up against you.” Helena huffs angrily, drawing a surprised and nervous side eye from Cass. Is Dinah right that she’s uncomfortable? Yes. But, Bruce is comfortable, and everyone likes Bruce, and Helena doesn’t particularly want to upset anyone and make her feel more on the outs than she already does after the previous night’s reminder that she doesn’t know how to be funny. She can’t help that her natural instinct is to cover fear with anger. Renee looks over at Harley, who has turned her attention to the scene unfolding in front of them, and they share an awkward look as the tension fills the room.

“Brucie, come h-” Harley tries to call for him, but Helena cuts her off.

“Bruce. Stay.” The silence that follows is thick and heavy. Helena stares ahead at the cactus, Dinah looks at her incredulously, and the other three share a wide eyed look. Bruce stays, clearly confused. He huffs a little, and pokes Helena’s arm with his wet nose. Dinah is worried to say the least.

“Helena… Maybe Bruce is hungry or would like to go outside…” She attempts gently. Helena doesn’t respond, so Dinah moves to sit on the coffee table directly across from her and forces the assassin to meet her eyes. “What’s wrong, baby?” Cass takes the opportunity and gets up, grabbing a squeaky toy off the floor as she does, and gives it a few squeezes to lure Bruce behind her as she heads to the kitchen. Renee waits a moment, mostly trying to not make things more awkward than they already are, and then she lifts herself from the chair and follows suit as naturally as possible. Harley is already grabbing Bruce’s leash to take him out for a walk and give the women some space. Dinah waits patiently for the four of them to gather themselves and slip out the door before she tilts her head a little at Helena, coaxing her to answer.

“It wasn’t unbearable,” Helena mumbles after a moment. “And he was comfortable. I didn’t want to make him move.” Dinah can’t hold back a small frown.

“Helena, you’re seriously injured. It doesn’t matter that it wasn’t unbearable; we want you in as little pain as possible. Bruce is a big boy. He can get up and go lay somewhere else.” She laughs lightly, but her face turns serious again after just a moment. “You have to put your well-being first more than ever right now. That means if it adds to your pain at all, then don’t do it, okay? Just make Bruce move next time.”

“Okay,” Helena relents before averting her gaze. Dinah nods. She knows Helena. They’ve been together long enough at this point that things like this don’t just slip past her.

“Now, what actually has you upset?” It’s a miracle Helena’s neck doesn’t break with how fast she turns to look back at Dinah. She clearly wants to argue that she isn’t upset, but Dinah won’t let it slide. “Don’t try to lie to me. I can tell something is bothering you, and I’m not going to just let it go.”

Helena wants to brush it off more than she could explain. It’s stupid, really. She knows this is something ridiculous to still be upset about, but she just… can’t let it go. She opens her mouth to speak, causing Dinah to raise an eyebrow, but the words fail her, and she just exhales. Why is talking so fucking hard? There isn’t a person in the world she trusts more than her girlfriend, and yet, she still can’t bring herself to explain how she’s feeling or what she’s thinking some days. Her eyes dart away nervously, and then back to Dinah who is still watching her with nothing but patience and love. Helena feels like she’s going to explode under her gaze and lets the words tumble out before she can stop herself.

“Do you think I’m funny?” Dinah blinks in surprise, mouth falling open, and then she laughs. A solid bark of laughter that dwindles down to a light chuckle in seconds. She leans forward on her knees and reaches out to pull Helena’s pale and calloused hands into hers.

“Do I think you’re funny? H, you make me laugh harder than anyone.” She grins widely, and her eyes soften at the insecurity clear on Helena’s face. “I think you’re incredibly funny. Especially when you aren’t trying to be. Why? What has you worrying about this?”

“Last night,” Helena groans. “I made that joke and you said it wasn’t funny, and I just… I-”

“Got stuck on it?” Dinah finishes. Helena nods. “Helena, the only reason that joke wasn’t funny is because you’re actually seriously injured. I don’t want you hurting, and I definitely don’t want to be the cause of you hurting. Just because that one joke wasn’t funny doesn’t mean you aren’t funny period.” 

“Oh,” Helena frowns slightly. “I guess that makes sense.” Dinah grins at her.

“Yeah, it does. Now,” She moves her hands to Helena’s knees and pats them. “I say we get you some pain relievers, maybe an ice pack from the freezer, and some water, and then we go back to bed where you can rest a little better. How does that sound?” Helena groans and drops her head to the back of the couch, but she still reaches out with one arm for Dinah to help her up. The Canary stands from the table and takes her girlfriend’s hand in hers, pulling her gently up from the couch. She maneuvers quickly to wrap an arm around Helena, cautious of her injuries as she does so, and gives her a moment to catch her breath from the sudden movement. “You ready?” Helena nods, and allows Dinah to lead her back to the bedroom where they can lay down and rest, arms wrapped around each other, listening to each other’s heartbeats, while time escapes them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cool cool cool. well thats that. please leave a comment or kudos or whatever. i would appreciate it v much

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please leave comments and kudos. I do plan on responding to all the lovely comments being left on my works here in the next few days. I'm very very grateful for you guys.


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